I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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