i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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