2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
