i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize