I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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