There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
