What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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