After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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