i just wanna soil my oats bro
so let's talk penis.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
