You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
