You can't motorboat a personality
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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