I want to stick my p in your. b.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
