I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
