She said her name was "party"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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