his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize