He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
