Sry I called you an 8
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
