This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
