I think my fart just growled at me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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