Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
