I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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