i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
