she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
