yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
