But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
