Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
