We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
