umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
