you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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