so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
