don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drunk is a universal language darling
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
