garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
In America we eat man semen.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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