I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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