Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
