Soap is not a condiment
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
