I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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