Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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