How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize