I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
there is puke in my bra ... again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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