I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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