i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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