The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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