you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
