So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
