I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
