I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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