white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My vagina is officially offended.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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