Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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