after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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