Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
