where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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