hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
