This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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