i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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