There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
