Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
