You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
