Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
