tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This baby is an asshole
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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