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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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