Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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