Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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