Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
