I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
