life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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