he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
