A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
