porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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